Today a visit to the social services office took every bit of my energy from barging through the doors to refine the process.
When we entered, we were #5 in line and there were 2 windows serving the awaiting crowd. As I sat waiting for our turn for 2 hours, I was appalled to see the sorry state of affairs. The employees were busy chattering, drinking coffee and surfing their phone instead of serving the long line of new moms with wailing infants, aged citizens barely managing to walk and distraught workers who were losing precious pay for every extended minute! Our state has been subject to significant budget cuts and there have been roaring voices over the lack of resources to help social services, well, if I were to tape today's incidents and replay it the Governor, maybe he will see that incapacitated and lazy fools are sitting on desks instead of ornate well accomplished individuals who can serve the citizens and raise the overall benefit of the state and increase much needed production. For the kind of service rendered today, I'd say, its easier to outsource the entire unit for a much faster turnaround instead of painfully waiting in line for a person to take your papers, stamp a seal and wave good bye.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Working Mom's Saga!
It is amazing how realization strikes when kids begin to stop and ask you to think about your actions.
We have been dealing with significant work related stress at home and I find the challenges of work – life balance has been significantly altered. Ever since kids became a part of our equation, I have sought to set my career goals limited to a 10 hour work schedule with sufficient time to dedicate to my children, but lately, I have realized that irrespective of the flexibility you seek, current economic conditions do not offer the luxury of a truly flexible schedule. Working 3 time zones and being on calls at odd hours of the day, I think lack of sleep, combined with the difficulties of raising good kids and adding housework has resulted in a distraught situation all around!
This morning, we came to realize our folly and now, as I sit working, I am divided between my duty as a mother and that of a professional tasked with a significant delivery on Mon. To add to this trauma, travel is a part of my agenda and I cannot help but feel guilty over my situation. I know I need a job to retain mental sanity, but cannot let go of my family time either. I want the best of both worlds and feel the need to enjoy both luxuries under my rules!
Is this an eternal conundrum faced by all working moms?
We have been dealing with significant work related stress at home and I find the challenges of work – life balance has been significantly altered. Ever since kids became a part of our equation, I have sought to set my career goals limited to a 10 hour work schedule with sufficient time to dedicate to my children, but lately, I have realized that irrespective of the flexibility you seek, current economic conditions do not offer the luxury of a truly flexible schedule. Working 3 time zones and being on calls at odd hours of the day, I think lack of sleep, combined with the difficulties of raising good kids and adding housework has resulted in a distraught situation all around!
This morning, we came to realize our folly and now, as I sit working, I am divided between my duty as a mother and that of a professional tasked with a significant delivery on Mon. To add to this trauma, travel is a part of my agenda and I cannot help but feel guilty over my situation. I know I need a job to retain mental sanity, but cannot let go of my family time either. I want the best of both worlds and feel the need to enjoy both luxuries under my rules!
Is this an eternal conundrum faced by all working moms?
Working Mom's Saga!
It is amazing how realization strikes when kids begin to stop and ask you to think about your actions.
We have been dealing with significant work related stress at home and I find the challenges of work – life balance has been significantly altered. Ever since kids became a part of our equation, I have sought to set my career goals limited to a 10 hour work schedule with sufficient time to dedicate to my children, but lately, I have realized that irrespective of the flexibility you seek, current economic conditions do not offer the luxury of a truly flexible schedule. Working 3 time zones and being on calls at odd hours of the day, I think lack of sleep, combined with the difficulties of raising good kids and adding housework has resulted in a distraught situation all around!
This morning, we came to realize our folly and now, as I sit working, I am divided between my duty as a mother and that of a professional tasked with a significant delivery on Mon. To add to this trauma, travel is a part of my agenda and I cannot help but feel guilty over my situation. I know I need a job to retain mental sanity, but cannot let go of my family time either. I want the best of both worlds and feel the need to enjoy both luxuries under my rules!
Is this an eternal conundrum faced by all working moms?
We have been dealing with significant work related stress at home and I find the challenges of work – life balance has been significantly altered. Ever since kids became a part of our equation, I have sought to set my career goals limited to a 10 hour work schedule with sufficient time to dedicate to my children, but lately, I have realized that irrespective of the flexibility you seek, current economic conditions do not offer the luxury of a truly flexible schedule. Working 3 time zones and being on calls at odd hours of the day, I think lack of sleep, combined with the difficulties of raising good kids and adding housework has resulted in a distraught situation all around!
This morning, we came to realize our folly and now, as I sit working, I am divided between my duty as a mother and that of a professional tasked with a significant delivery on Mon. To add to this trauma, travel is a part of my agenda and I cannot help but feel guilty over my situation. I know I need a job to retain mental sanity, but cannot let go of my family time either. I want the best of both worlds and feel the need to enjoy both luxuries under my rules!
Is this an eternal conundrum faced by all working moms?
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
My angel heart
There is not a moment in my life that I don’t think of her and the warmth she brings to m heart cannot be described by words! She is my daughter and my first born!
She has blossomed into a charming personality with a niche for creativity and freedom in her heart!
When she was younger, I constantly worried over her insecurity and inadequacy to deal with the harsh realities of life. The mother in me cried and cringed as she hurt deep inside, but I see all those stumbling blocks have made her stronger and braver and she is now ready to accept challenges and stand her ground!
As she progresses to evolve, I see myself slowly changing roles from a mother to a friend, a confidant she can rest her shoulders and cry on. I know the road ahead is challenging and we will have many mother-daughter moments, but for now, I just want to say, ‘I love you sweetheart and will always wish the best for you’.
She has blossomed into a charming personality with a niche for creativity and freedom in her heart!
When she was younger, I constantly worried over her insecurity and inadequacy to deal with the harsh realities of life. The mother in me cried and cringed as she hurt deep inside, but I see all those stumbling blocks have made her stronger and braver and she is now ready to accept challenges and stand her ground!
As she progresses to evolve, I see myself slowly changing roles from a mother to a friend, a confidant she can rest her shoulders and cry on. I know the road ahead is challenging and we will have many mother-daughter moments, but for now, I just want to say, ‘I love you sweetheart and will always wish the best for you’.
My angel heart
There is not a moment in my life that I don’t think of her and the warmth she brings to m heart cannot be described by words! She is my daughter and my first born!
She has blossomed into a charming personality with a niche for creativity and freedom in her heart!
When she was younger, I constantly worried over her insecurity and inadequacy to deal with the harsh realities of life. The mother in me cried and cringed as she hurt deep inside, but I see all those stumbling blocks have made her stronger and braver and she is now ready to accept challenges and stand her ground!
As she progresses to evolve, I see myself slowly changing roles from a mother to a friend, a confidant she can rest her shoulders and cry on. I know the road ahead is challenging and we will have many mother-daughter moments, but for now, I just want to say, ‘I love you sweetheart and will always wish the best for you’.
She has blossomed into a charming personality with a niche for creativity and freedom in her heart!
When she was younger, I constantly worried over her insecurity and inadequacy to deal with the harsh realities of life. The mother in me cried and cringed as she hurt deep inside, but I see all those stumbling blocks have made her stronger and braver and she is now ready to accept challenges and stand her ground!
As she progresses to evolve, I see myself slowly changing roles from a mother to a friend, a confidant she can rest her shoulders and cry on. I know the road ahead is challenging and we will have many mother-daughter moments, but for now, I just want to say, ‘I love you sweetheart and will always wish the best for you’.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Off to school she went with apprehension in her heart but confidence in her walk!
This was her new territory, all around new faces, new location with absolutely no help in sight! A worried mom, I waved goodbye with mixed emotions and walked away sending a prayer to guide her well! The next few hours seemed long and never ending, the Mom in me wanted to rush and protect her, but the woman in me gently rooted me till the expected hour. I told the mom in me to give her a chance, to help her find her confidence and make the new scene work for her!Finally at the turn of the hour, I grabbed my keys and rushed out to school, fully expecting to pull her in my arms and tell her I am there for her!
After much anticipation, I saw her walking, not with a fallen face, but grabbing the hands of 2 other girls and jumping with excitement over the fabulous new friends and the desperate call for play dates! No hugs, no tears, but pure joy bouncing off three cheery girls who had made a pact to be friends!
All my fears abated and the next few hours were filled with chatter about the new school, new premises and the endless list of darling friends she had made ending with a comment that satisfied my heart! ‘I love my new school and I feel at home!’, she said!
This was her new territory, all around new faces, new location with absolutely no help in sight! A worried mom, I waved goodbye with mixed emotions and walked away sending a prayer to guide her well! The next few hours seemed long and never ending, the Mom in me wanted to rush and protect her, but the woman in me gently rooted me till the expected hour. I told the mom in me to give her a chance, to help her find her confidence and make the new scene work for her!Finally at the turn of the hour, I grabbed my keys and rushed out to school, fully expecting to pull her in my arms and tell her I am there for her!
After much anticipation, I saw her walking, not with a fallen face, but grabbing the hands of 2 other girls and jumping with excitement over the fabulous new friends and the desperate call for play dates! No hugs, no tears, but pure joy bouncing off three cheery girls who had made a pact to be friends!
All my fears abated and the next few hours were filled with chatter about the new school, new premises and the endless list of darling friends she had made ending with a comment that satisfied my heart! ‘I love my new school and I feel at home!’, she said!
Guiding Light
Guiding light!
Today I read a comment from a mother who has lost her child on facebook. It touched me deeply! The loss of a life is the most tragic sequence in a person’s life.
Lately, I have been engrossed in rallying behind boxes to get my home in order. It seems like a herculean task to move residences and locate new areas for things to go. While in the process, I find things, objects which held little importance in the past, but now hold great memories. Memories of a bag, a picture, a letter, a note, the list is endless and with each is a unique thought and a warmth that fills my heart cause it is deeply associated with a person who’s physical presence is missed today. As I cast these objects in various spots around the house, I feel the presence of the person associated with it and a sense of being with them makes my heart glow.
Today, as I sit and write this alone from my living room, I might miss the physical presence of dear ones, but these objects or memories stand like pillars of support and talk to me like they are present in front of me.
I always believe that the soul lives just to aid us make the right decisions in life and illuminate the road like a guiding light from up above!
To all who were dear to me and have departed to a better place, your memories will serve as an essence of how you celebrated life and made people around you happy!
Today I read a comment from a mother who has lost her child on facebook. It touched me deeply! The loss of a life is the most tragic sequence in a person’s life.
Lately, I have been engrossed in rallying behind boxes to get my home in order. It seems like a herculean task to move residences and locate new areas for things to go. While in the process, I find things, objects which held little importance in the past, but now hold great memories. Memories of a bag, a picture, a letter, a note, the list is endless and with each is a unique thought and a warmth that fills my heart cause it is deeply associated with a person who’s physical presence is missed today. As I cast these objects in various spots around the house, I feel the presence of the person associated with it and a sense of being with them makes my heart glow.
Today, as I sit and write this alone from my living room, I might miss the physical presence of dear ones, but these objects or memories stand like pillars of support and talk to me like they are present in front of me.
I always believe that the soul lives just to aid us make the right decisions in life and illuminate the road like a guiding light from up above!
To all who were dear to me and have departed to a better place, your memories will serve as an essence of how you celebrated life and made people around you happy!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Emotions!
Loss!
Loss, one of the most loosely used words to describe lack of fulfillment! It con notates change in lifestyle mostly, but the deepest meaning is when it changes life itself! How can someone relate to loss of a life? Be it money or game, the loss can be recovered or made up, but how can someone replace a living?
Strength!
Being physically strong, mentally strong or even financially strong is just a mere attribute. How can the strength to deal with the loss of life ever be justified? Yet, we pray for it!
Cope!
Coping with work or school is to improve a personal trait. It's building teamwork and learning to live in society, but there is coping at home too. That’s the essence of co-existence, but when one branch breaks, how do you rebuild it?
In the past two weeks I have heard this word repeatedly and used it too! Now, that is norm dictated by society to provide the emotional support the devastated family needs!
As I sit and think back, I cannot dream of losing my mom even at age 100! Despite the tragedy life ends in, Mom is simple irreplaceable; but what justice is it for young kids to not have her presence in their lives? I see the saddened eyes of a shattered father who is trying to stand brave for his kids and the devastation in a young daughter who is unable to thread a reaction to the loss of her mom and a little son who has probably lost any memory of his mother already; but for the pictures that hang around the house! The greatest atrocity to this equation is for a mother to see her own child pass in her arms! What insanity is this? This is not the circle of life I was educated to believe in! My anger compels me to call out to the force to show this grieving family a path to regroup and patch their lives with some semblance of sanity and normalcy to withstand the absence of a daughter/ mother/ wife!
Loss, one of the most loosely used words to describe lack of fulfillment! It con notates change in lifestyle mostly, but the deepest meaning is when it changes life itself! How can someone relate to loss of a life? Be it money or game, the loss can be recovered or made up, but how can someone replace a living?
Strength!
Being physically strong, mentally strong or even financially strong is just a mere attribute. How can the strength to deal with the loss of life ever be justified? Yet, we pray for it!
Cope!
Coping with work or school is to improve a personal trait. It's building teamwork and learning to live in society, but there is coping at home too. That’s the essence of co-existence, but when one branch breaks, how do you rebuild it?
In the past two weeks I have heard this word repeatedly and used it too! Now, that is norm dictated by society to provide the emotional support the devastated family needs!
As I sit and think back, I cannot dream of losing my mom even at age 100! Despite the tragedy life ends in, Mom is simple irreplaceable; but what justice is it for young kids to not have her presence in their lives? I see the saddened eyes of a shattered father who is trying to stand brave for his kids and the devastation in a young daughter who is unable to thread a reaction to the loss of her mom and a little son who has probably lost any memory of his mother already; but for the pictures that hang around the house! The greatest atrocity to this equation is for a mother to see her own child pass in her arms! What insanity is this? This is not the circle of life I was educated to believe in! My anger compels me to call out to the force to show this grieving family a path to regroup and patch their lives with some semblance of sanity and normalcy to withstand the absence of a daughter/ mother/ wife!
Monday, February 28, 2011
Testament of time!
I am manifested by outrage, anger and helplessness! I feel much incapacitated with the situation around me. As a mother, I am challenged by the pain another mother is enduring. As a woman, I am agonized by the trauma the family is facing and as a daughter; I see the conundrum in her face.
Why is humanity so inhumane at times, I wonder? Troubled waters escape no family, but such ill effects, I am yet to see. I have begun to see everything in new light, today I learn from a mother, who is a warrior that puts Prithviraj Chauhan to shame. Her courage and strength is of paramount significance as she sees her child lying helpless waiting for the testament of time to give its verdict! She bathes her child with love and affection but her eyes carry the pain of a thousand needles. Today as I write this I wonder, why are women given so much strength? I want to be weak, I want to cry and drown my sorrow or I want to wield a Herculean wheel to retrace time. I am confused, my head tells me accept, but my heart argues! I still believe in miracles and pray for one to occur this instant.
In a world of hatred and disgust, why are good souls penalized? Or is it that, by taking away the good elements, we are left to battle with the bad and outdo each other? All these questions are unanswered as I continue my quest for the ultimate truth, but for now I understand, there really are no strings attached in this world! Truly, some wise head did say, ‘Man Proposes God Disposes’!
Why is humanity so inhumane at times, I wonder? Troubled waters escape no family, but such ill effects, I am yet to see. I have begun to see everything in new light, today I learn from a mother, who is a warrior that puts Prithviraj Chauhan to shame. Her courage and strength is of paramount significance as she sees her child lying helpless waiting for the testament of time to give its verdict! She bathes her child with love and affection but her eyes carry the pain of a thousand needles. Today as I write this I wonder, why are women given so much strength? I want to be weak, I want to cry and drown my sorrow or I want to wield a Herculean wheel to retrace time. I am confused, my head tells me accept, but my heart argues! I still believe in miracles and pray for one to occur this instant.
In a world of hatred and disgust, why are good souls penalized? Or is it that, by taking away the good elements, we are left to battle with the bad and outdo each other? All these questions are unanswered as I continue my quest for the ultimate truth, but for now I understand, there really are no strings attached in this world! Truly, some wise head did say, ‘Man Proposes God Disposes’!
Monday, February 7, 2011
Inspiration
Inspiration, such a power packed word! Entire childhood and youth went by learning to draw inspiration from famous personalities. Sometimes it was Einstein, while others, Da Vinci. Marie Currie or Newton, a constant debate! I cannot laud my science skills as anything beyond normal. I read, understand and move on. I had no visions of extraordinary theories nor did I find myself gifted for inventions.
I was amidst really smart and intelligent people who could think outside the box and it made me wonder why I lack such talent. I would gaze in awe when I read about Da Vinci being both a physicist and an artist. But with all this, I was missing something. Was it an innate need to drive myself to climb the invention rope or sit back and see the world around me and learn from it.
The glories of everyday life have hit me just it has so many others. My mind seems to be bogged down by work schedules, kid’s activity calendar and household chores. All my dreams about the Da Vinci’s of the world have ceased. But this past weekend, something stirred within. An unrest, something that I have felt a long time ago, but haven’t had the time to dwell upon!
Last year a close relative of mine was diagnosed with a dreaded disease. Just as we were celebrating a win in the combat, it ambushed us. Its ugly face has been following her like a shadow putting her whole life in turmoil. This past weekend, I had the luxury of spending a comfortable afternoon with her. I say comfortable as I saw her calm and relaxed after a week of pain and agony. It was a glorious day and the Sun was upon us like a guiding light. In that light, I saw the spirit, her spirit; one that wanted to fight and beat the odds. Having lost a friend recently after she bravely fought for her child, I was convinced she was fighting for her kids too. We got to talk, we spoke about the ways of the world and laughed about the silliest pranks our kids played. Oh, did I forget to mention, we have kids the same age. Then she said, “ I want to live. I am selfish, I want you all. I have a family a few would get and I am going to fight and beat this”. It was very spirited. I made me feel the inspiration in her and today I stand inspired. I felt a bond, something sacred we had shared. As I taught her daughter to write, I found myself smiling as something in me felt that one day, we will teach our daughters together! You are a true inspiration sweetheart! Fight and we will fight with you too!
Today I stand corrected, its not just famous personalities imparting inspiration, its people from everyday life who strive to make it in many way that guide us to make life better and share happiness. All things material, stand alone, but its the memories of everlasting love that brings a smile to your face and warmth to your heart! That my friend is true inspiration!
I was amidst really smart and intelligent people who could think outside the box and it made me wonder why I lack such talent. I would gaze in awe when I read about Da Vinci being both a physicist and an artist. But with all this, I was missing something. Was it an innate need to drive myself to climb the invention rope or sit back and see the world around me and learn from it.
The glories of everyday life have hit me just it has so many others. My mind seems to be bogged down by work schedules, kid’s activity calendar and household chores. All my dreams about the Da Vinci’s of the world have ceased. But this past weekend, something stirred within. An unrest, something that I have felt a long time ago, but haven’t had the time to dwell upon!
Last year a close relative of mine was diagnosed with a dreaded disease. Just as we were celebrating a win in the combat, it ambushed us. Its ugly face has been following her like a shadow putting her whole life in turmoil. This past weekend, I had the luxury of spending a comfortable afternoon with her. I say comfortable as I saw her calm and relaxed after a week of pain and agony. It was a glorious day and the Sun was upon us like a guiding light. In that light, I saw the spirit, her spirit; one that wanted to fight and beat the odds. Having lost a friend recently after she bravely fought for her child, I was convinced she was fighting for her kids too. We got to talk, we spoke about the ways of the world and laughed about the silliest pranks our kids played. Oh, did I forget to mention, we have kids the same age. Then she said, “ I want to live. I am selfish, I want you all. I have a family a few would get and I am going to fight and beat this”. It was very spirited. I made me feel the inspiration in her and today I stand inspired. I felt a bond, something sacred we had shared. As I taught her daughter to write, I found myself smiling as something in me felt that one day, we will teach our daughters together! You are a true inspiration sweetheart! Fight and we will fight with you too!
Today I stand corrected, its not just famous personalities imparting inspiration, its people from everyday life who strive to make it in many way that guide us to make life better and share happiness. All things material, stand alone, but its the memories of everlasting love that brings a smile to your face and warmth to your heart! That my friend is true inspiration!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Soul searching
Death, such a morbid reality to happiness. I believe its life's way of nurturing us to be stronger and wiser adults, especially when it happens to our near and dear ones.
All our life we seek happiness, but the ultimate truth is life ends in a tragedy and no one can ever change that. My Dad spoke to me last and went to bed. 3 hours later, his only words were, ennu illa and neeru beda before he succumbed to a massive cardiac arrest on my brother's lap. I still cannot relive the moment when my brother called and informed me of his passing! I was in so much denial, it took me to see him lying lifeless before the reality hit me. Somehow that moment changed my entire course in life. I think I express myself with my family more and make them feel loved and cared for. Dad always did it and I was too ignorant about the harsh realities of life.
But for mom, Dad was a pillar of strength and his absence has made her very lonely. Even though we are all there, she can never confide in us the way she did with Dad and I think that's the element she misses the most. But Mom is a strong lady with very stable emotional structure and will deal with it, but she has become far too religious in her beliefs and I miss the modernism and political discussions I would engage in with her. Well, another lesson for me to learn I guess.
All our life we seek happiness, but the ultimate truth is life ends in a tragedy and no one can ever change that. My Dad spoke to me last and went to bed. 3 hours later, his only words were, ennu illa and neeru beda before he succumbed to a massive cardiac arrest on my brother's lap. I still cannot relive the moment when my brother called and informed me of his passing! I was in so much denial, it took me to see him lying lifeless before the reality hit me. Somehow that moment changed my entire course in life. I think I express myself with my family more and make them feel loved and cared for. Dad always did it and I was too ignorant about the harsh realities of life.
But for mom, Dad was a pillar of strength and his absence has made her very lonely. Even though we are all there, she can never confide in us the way she did with Dad and I think that's the element she misses the most. But Mom is a strong lady with very stable emotional structure and will deal with it, but she has become far too religious in her beliefs and I miss the modernism and political discussions I would engage in with her. Well, another lesson for me to learn I guess.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
My yin yang combo
Navratri, a 10 day festival in India is the threshold for the holiday season. Homes are adorned with rangolis with the most intricate designs and there is a festive mood all around.
South Indian culture adds to the glory of this festival by displaying dolls on odd numbered steps. Miniature parks are created with varied themes and each household out does the other in creativity. It is a great time for social gathering, and, the sounds of bells and melodious vibrations reverberate throughout the community.
Having left this behind over a decade ago, I started the doll tradition in the US about 5 years ago. My mom has been adding little trinkets of dolls over time to build my collection. During my recent trip to India, I brought another such collection.
As I carefully opened each one, my daughter’s eyes grew big with amazement at the display of clay Lilliputians around her. She was quick to beg for permission to play with them as my mom and I sat and admired the little hands placing things fondly and communicating to these inanimate objects. I was driven by the nostalgic memories these brought when I was enamored by these very things, only bigger in size. Three generations of women, each living their past or present memories at that very moment.
The excitement soon grew and she wanted to hear all about the arrangements we plan for the festivities this year and my mom told her stories of how her mom would have a grand display of 11 steps in her house. She told her stories of the many artists who would come and sing melodious recitals in praise of the many Gods and Godesses that adorned those steps. I still remember all the yummy savory and sweet snacks my grandma and great grandma prepared. I would gingerly step into the kitchen every day to get into the forbidden snack box and sneak away with a snack or two.
While, we were all engrossed in the storytelling, one little monster has crept up to the clay creations and was eying them with bated breath. My 15 month old tyrant was all ready to charge at them with all his might and leave them with missing parts. One poor cow now has a missing ear, but we managed to save the rest before any further cruelty was instilled on them.
Phew! what a difference a boy and a girl make. I have a yin yang experience with my kids, one who is a doll and keeps her stuff like a diamond that shines in the sky and other, who like the crates of the moon better
Nonetheless, I love them for what they are but I made mental notes to first invest in a safety gate to prevent the carnage on the dolls for the 10 days that they beautify my home.
South Indian culture adds to the glory of this festival by displaying dolls on odd numbered steps. Miniature parks are created with varied themes and each household out does the other in creativity. It is a great time for social gathering, and, the sounds of bells and melodious vibrations reverberate throughout the community.
Having left this behind over a decade ago, I started the doll tradition in the US about 5 years ago. My mom has been adding little trinkets of dolls over time to build my collection. During my recent trip to India, I brought another such collection.
As I carefully opened each one, my daughter’s eyes grew big with amazement at the display of clay Lilliputians around her. She was quick to beg for permission to play with them as my mom and I sat and admired the little hands placing things fondly and communicating to these inanimate objects. I was driven by the nostalgic memories these brought when I was enamored by these very things, only bigger in size. Three generations of women, each living their past or present memories at that very moment.
The excitement soon grew and she wanted to hear all about the arrangements we plan for the festivities this year and my mom told her stories of how her mom would have a grand display of 11 steps in her house. She told her stories of the many artists who would come and sing melodious recitals in praise of the many Gods and Godesses that adorned those steps. I still remember all the yummy savory and sweet snacks my grandma and great grandma prepared. I would gingerly step into the kitchen every day to get into the forbidden snack box and sneak away with a snack or two.
While, we were all engrossed in the storytelling, one little monster has crept up to the clay creations and was eying them with bated breath. My 15 month old tyrant was all ready to charge at them with all his might and leave them with missing parts. One poor cow now has a missing ear, but we managed to save the rest before any further cruelty was instilled on them.
Phew! what a difference a boy and a girl make. I have a yin yang experience with my kids, one who is a doll and keeps her stuff like a diamond that shines in the sky and other, who like the crates of the moon better
Nonetheless, I love them for what they are but I made mental notes to first invest in a safety gate to prevent the carnage on the dolls for the 10 days that they beautify my home.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Budding musician??
As I write this, my eyes well up with joy and the warmest smile is plastered on my face and I can relive the moment a thousand times and still let the same emotions run.
A lazy last afternoon, my daughter was tasked with practicing her Carnatic music to prepare for upcoming festivities. No sooner did my 15 month old son see her walk with the music box (shruthi petti), a wide grins adorns hi face and he starts chiming “Sa…”. He grabbed the box and gingerly wedged himself between my Mom and daughter and started singing “Sa Ri” in a high and low pitch as if to match the scale. If this did not stop him, he then started singing, complete with talam (beats) on his lap like a professional with self made lyrics. Every now and then, he looked at the box to make sure the volume was right, acknowledged with an “uhmm” and continued his kacheri (concert).
It was a delight to see the little master prove that he can sing just as beautifully as his sister and he would run up after a few minutes with a gleeful look, clapping his hands, looking for praise. It was a sight to hold and behold and I wish I had the camera to capture the essence of his joy. Maybe many years later, I can sit surfing these videos when they are grown up and don’t need me anymore and relive the joy I feel today as I write this post
A lazy last afternoon, my daughter was tasked with practicing her Carnatic music to prepare for upcoming festivities. No sooner did my 15 month old son see her walk with the music box (shruthi petti), a wide grins adorns hi face and he starts chiming “Sa…”. He grabbed the box and gingerly wedged himself between my Mom and daughter and started singing “Sa Ri” in a high and low pitch as if to match the scale. If this did not stop him, he then started singing, complete with talam (beats) on his lap like a professional with self made lyrics. Every now and then, he looked at the box to make sure the volume was right, acknowledged with an “uhmm” and continued his kacheri (concert).
It was a delight to see the little master prove that he can sing just as beautifully as his sister and he would run up after a few minutes with a gleeful look, clapping his hands, looking for praise. It was a sight to hold and behold and I wish I had the camera to capture the essence of his joy. Maybe many years later, I can sit surfing these videos when they are grown up and don’t need me anymore and relive the joy I feel today as I write this post
Thursday, September 3, 2009
My hometown or is it?
August, I think it went missing from my calendar. Running form pillar to post, the final arrangements and packing for the big trip was planned and executed. Five suitcases lined the hallway as we delegated home security tasks to trusted family and soon we were aboard SQ15.
After a tiresome journey handling 2 kids and a husband, I disembarked to what I remember as home. I felt a strange tickle in the throat and knew that it was indeed my hometown, but yet nothing I remembered existed on the streets lining the tall apartments that had sprouted everywhere.
After a 2 hour journey from the airport, I entered the house. All through the way, I was troubled about the lack of identity I had with Bengaluru, the city, I proudly called mine. Determined not to lose hope, I dismissed thoughts about northern Bangalore being stricken by the apartment fever. With renewed hope, I started exploring my familiar paths when we ventured outside to the many eateries that have sprouted wings, but much to my dismay, all the lovely single family homes with lush green garden were replaced with giant apartment complexes with monster driveways. Bengaluru was a concrete jungle and thats how I remember Mumbai, though my fondness for Mumbai is very strong too.
A trip to the vegetable vendor with Rs 50 in hand, fetched me supplies for a week in my days, but the current situation, Rs 50 doesn’t even fetch me vegetables for a dish. Waiters earned an average Rs 50 a day, today, they earn Rs 50 per meal per table. Cost of living has gone through the roof. While the westerns have wised up on their lifestyle, everyone in India seems to have made their investments in the evils that were shooed away from here.
I still remember the look on my husband’s face when I promised him finger licking good food at restaurants I had frequented, only to find that they were long gone. Not to forget, the innumerable one-ways we have to maneuver to get there in peak traffic. It is than that I began to wonder if it really was my home town at all.
Nothing I knew existed the way I remembered, every street had nuances of new life that the influx of MNC’s had inculcated on their appearance in the city. It amused me to read the maintain distance behind BTS buses; only to notice that the auto behind stood at hairs length. Traveling to any place, even 2 kilometers away, took well over 20 minutes. There were 6 cars lined up in a two lane road. At some point, I stopped promising a time to friends and family as there was no predicting how long the commute would take. I was always prepared with extra food, clothes and snacks for kids as road closers happened on a whim and the detours meant an additional hour.
Nothing that existed in mind still held any importance in my hometown. Now, I can only say, those were the days.
After an equally exhausting 24 hour flight back with the kids, I must admit, I missed this home just as much and all the familiarity it brought with it just made me feel like I was back in my home and this felt more like my home town.
Am I being hypocritical? I don’t know, but changes in life happen faster than you can fathom.
After a tiresome journey handling 2 kids and a husband, I disembarked to what I remember as home. I felt a strange tickle in the throat and knew that it was indeed my hometown, but yet nothing I remembered existed on the streets lining the tall apartments that had sprouted everywhere.
After a 2 hour journey from the airport, I entered the house. All through the way, I was troubled about the lack of identity I had with Bengaluru, the city, I proudly called mine. Determined not to lose hope, I dismissed thoughts about northern Bangalore being stricken by the apartment fever. With renewed hope, I started exploring my familiar paths when we ventured outside to the many eateries that have sprouted wings, but much to my dismay, all the lovely single family homes with lush green garden were replaced with giant apartment complexes with monster driveways. Bengaluru was a concrete jungle and thats how I remember Mumbai, though my fondness for Mumbai is very strong too.
A trip to the vegetable vendor with Rs 50 in hand, fetched me supplies for a week in my days, but the current situation, Rs 50 doesn’t even fetch me vegetables for a dish. Waiters earned an average Rs 50 a day, today, they earn Rs 50 per meal per table. Cost of living has gone through the roof. While the westerns have wised up on their lifestyle, everyone in India seems to have made their investments in the evils that were shooed away from here.
I still remember the look on my husband’s face when I promised him finger licking good food at restaurants I had frequented, only to find that they were long gone. Not to forget, the innumerable one-ways we have to maneuver to get there in peak traffic. It is than that I began to wonder if it really was my home town at all.
Nothing I knew existed the way I remembered, every street had nuances of new life that the influx of MNC’s had inculcated on their appearance in the city. It amused me to read the maintain distance behind BTS buses; only to notice that the auto behind stood at hairs length. Traveling to any place, even 2 kilometers away, took well over 20 minutes. There were 6 cars lined up in a two lane road. At some point, I stopped promising a time to friends and family as there was no predicting how long the commute would take. I was always prepared with extra food, clothes and snacks for kids as road closers happened on a whim and the detours meant an additional hour.
Nothing that existed in mind still held any importance in my hometown. Now, I can only say, those were the days.
After an equally exhausting 24 hour flight back with the kids, I must admit, I missed this home just as much and all the familiarity it brought with it just made me feel like I was back in my home and this felt more like my home town.
Am I being hypocritical? I don’t know, but changes in life happen faster than you can fathom.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
My daughter, my pride
As I was enjoying a nice evening with the family, I suggested blogging to my daughter. After a quick explanation from my husband about the niceties of keeping an online journal, she was sold. As her first posting, she choose to present the activities of the day. I was convinced that she'll keep it to three points and be done. Much to my surprise, she actually described each event in detail, yet simple words. She was so engrossed, she even made subtle changes on the way to reflect her deepest thoughts. I was awed by her capability to illustrate the feeling in words. Then it struck me, she was no longer the little girl I always chose to hold hands and guide. She was learning the ways of the world and had developed a sense of things around her. She was not my little baby anymore, but a young girl transitioning to adapt herself to her surroundings.
I miss her moments of innocence and play, but this stage is equally fun with a rush of new feelings and nurturing I can translate to make her a better person. I love you my sweet angel.
I miss her moments of innocence and play, but this stage is equally fun with a rush of new feelings and nurturing I can translate to make her a better person. I love you my sweet angel.
Monday, July 20, 2009
This is the moment! Enjoy it! Savor it!
Sunday afternoon is typically my time to frantically get the laundry done or prepare for the week, but today was different.
Much to my daughter’s delight, we set up a splash pool for her and her little friends to enjoy. It was a hot day, and a perfect afternoon for the kids to splash and run between the crazy sprinklers without the tyranny of the sun’s heat bothering them. Even my toddler son had a momentous time in the little waddle trying to grab water in his hand. It was a delight to hear the yell and scream of little voices and water splashing all around the bend.
I miss such events too I thought. I want to run around the sprinklers and splash through the water, but something in my mind admonished the thought. I was reminded of my age! Had I aged that much, or was I just mindful of neighbors who might condemn it as a silly act of adulthood?
Sometimes I believe, we unnecessarily read into our thoughts and prevent it from becoming an action; just to keep our false pride and sanity intact. Had I indulged in a little childish fun, I might have retired a satisfied adult to bed with a silly smile plastered on my face! Maybe next time!
Much to my daughter’s delight, we set up a splash pool for her and her little friends to enjoy. It was a hot day, and a perfect afternoon for the kids to splash and run between the crazy sprinklers without the tyranny of the sun’s heat bothering them. Even my toddler son had a momentous time in the little waddle trying to grab water in his hand. It was a delight to hear the yell and scream of little voices and water splashing all around the bend.
I miss such events too I thought. I want to run around the sprinklers and splash through the water, but something in my mind admonished the thought. I was reminded of my age! Had I aged that much, or was I just mindful of neighbors who might condemn it as a silly act of adulthood?
Sometimes I believe, we unnecessarily read into our thoughts and prevent it from becoming an action; just to keep our false pride and sanity intact. Had I indulged in a little childish fun, I might have retired a satisfied adult to bed with a silly smile plastered on my face! Maybe next time!
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Life is beautiful
I love kids and the aura of innocence they carry. A sublime epitome of God’s greatest creation, they render a presence in our lives, which overtake the essence of being into something so meaningful and beautiful, that there is no equal to it.
As a parent to young children, I am perpetually in awe of their learning abilities. Be it my toddlers’ first words or my big kids’ first on stage performance. The pride I carried was unmatched. Conversations with friends and acquaintances circled around the excellence of kids and their abilities. All of us so merrily indulge in the marvels of our kids that we are out to prove that the other is better.
Thinking back, I sometimes regret my decision to push my kids in limelight. Am I instilling a false sense of competition in them? Isn’t this the very behavior I was against building in my kids?
As a child, I recall the sheer competition and peer pressure I had to deal with and I had made a silent commitment never to subjugate my children to the same abuse. Yet, I am trying to inculcate a similar pattern in their lives.
Recently, two four year old kids brought me back to enjoying just the simple things. As I was walking, I noticed parents of the two kids trying to push their children to beat the other. After a few moments, one kid turned and said, ‘its’ just a game, not an exam, can we just be friends and not anything else?’
In everyday life, competition is so compelling, somehow we forget to let the children be kids and start dictating adulthood to them. Does it really matter if they did not win? Does it matter if my child is just average? Why the false pride and animosity? Can’t we let the children be and face the world on their terms?
In some ways, I have now terminated my involvement with competition. I have begun to tell my child to participate in activities to just make them a well rounded individual, not a shining star to rave about. Ultimate pleasure is in seeing your child happy, not a super star in the making!
Be a child with your child. Live your second childhood, here’s your chance. Make quirky faces, play mindless games and crawl on the floor to the door. Spill ice cream on your white clothes, dig mud with your bare hands, and chuckle at silly jokes. Enjoy the natural ways of stress relief and get a blissful sleep. Life is beautiful, keep it that way.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Whats that laughter?
Laughter is truly the best medicine.
A few weeks ago, a neighbor friend and I started a walking trend to start shedding the extra pregnancy pounds. After initial hurdles with whining and crying babies, the tradition turned into a routine. Much to my amazement, we have generated a few more interested parties to join our routine. Tonight, we officially rose to 5 women in the neighborhood trying to ward off the extra pounds and get healthier.
As I was walking, I realized, be it tid-bits about the saga of everyday life or the mysteries of growing pains, we all have something to share out of our daily lives and in many ways, the few minutes we spend rendering our feelings makes feel light at heart and calmer to approach the raging storms of the next day. Is this making wiser and a better person? Only time can tell, but it certainly has the effect of a persona change for the better I think.
Exercise for the mind and body, in good company, certainly initiate much needed perseverance to strive and achieve your goal! Go women power!
A few weeks ago, a neighbor friend and I started a walking trend to start shedding the extra pregnancy pounds. After initial hurdles with whining and crying babies, the tradition turned into a routine. Much to my amazement, we have generated a few more interested parties to join our routine. Tonight, we officially rose to 5 women in the neighborhood trying to ward off the extra pounds and get healthier.
As I was walking, I realized, be it tid-bits about the saga of everyday life or the mysteries of growing pains, we all have something to share out of our daily lives and in many ways, the few minutes we spend rendering our feelings makes feel light at heart and calmer to approach the raging storms of the next day. Is this making wiser and a better person? Only time can tell, but it certainly has the effect of a persona change for the better I think.
Exercise for the mind and body, in good company, certainly initiate much needed perseverance to strive and achieve your goal! Go women power!
Monday, July 13, 2009
Dad...you are special
Last morning, while I was in conversation with my daughter, she sounded absolutely delighted to have her Dad with her after three weeks. Her million calls every day before that had been replaced with just one excited and perky call to express her joy in being with her Dad.
My entire family was together, while I was 5000 miles away, reminiscing of times I have missed my Dad and it dawned upon me that, after nearly six years, I am still hoping to see him and enjoy the same experiences I had. Has it been so long, I asked myself and I began to reflect on the times we shared, the sacred father-daughter bond.
The daily ritual of engaging in political and financial news occupied our breakfast sessions and when I got married and moved 20000 miles away, he educated himself with the internet world with the sole intention of communicating with me on morning chats! Thanks technology.
Be it Thursday trips to the Raghavendra Mutt or Sunday runs to Adigas, we were always excited to make it a ritual, a father-daughter exclusive.
My trips back home was like a time travel machine, filled with everything I liked and wanted and I was overwhelmed with details that went into planning it. Dad was my magic wand, making everything I wished magically appear.
Now all that remains are memories. Memories that are untouched by the sands of time, frozen, preserved and revered for life. When I visit, I still go to the house I grew up in, somewhere hoping that I’ll find him sitting on the couch smiling the same radiant way it is etched in my memory.
My yahoo calendar just sent me an update about his upcoming birthday! Happy birthday dad! You will be missed, but celebrated in my heart. I love you.
My entire family was together, while I was 5000 miles away, reminiscing of times I have missed my Dad and it dawned upon me that, after nearly six years, I am still hoping to see him and enjoy the same experiences I had. Has it been so long, I asked myself and I began to reflect on the times we shared, the sacred father-daughter bond.
The daily ritual of engaging in political and financial news occupied our breakfast sessions and when I got married and moved 20000 miles away, he educated himself with the internet world with the sole intention of communicating with me on morning chats! Thanks technology.
Be it Thursday trips to the Raghavendra Mutt or Sunday runs to Adigas, we were always excited to make it a ritual, a father-daughter exclusive.
My trips back home was like a time travel machine, filled with everything I liked and wanted and I was overwhelmed with details that went into planning it. Dad was my magic wand, making everything I wished magically appear.
Now all that remains are memories. Memories that are untouched by the sands of time, frozen, preserved and revered for life. When I visit, I still go to the house I grew up in, somewhere hoping that I’ll find him sitting on the couch smiling the same radiant way it is etched in my memory.
My yahoo calendar just sent me an update about his upcoming birthday! Happy birthday dad! You will be missed, but celebrated in my heart. I love you.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Never under estimate anything
Never under estimate anything
Taking a break from work, I was gaining wisdom from worldly events and noticed news about bombings and mice and suddenly I was ROTFL as a flood of memories in the insanity that pursued came to me in a flash.
One evening, as I stepped in from school, I noticed the severe look on my parents face. A thousand thoughts crossed my mind and I was sure I was saintly all week with no room for trouble, yet something had occurred.
My dad sat me down and gave me ample examples of lying and its repercussions. It all seemed very irrational at the moment and finally the gamut hit the spot. I was stealing money from a secret stash that I had strangely uncovered. All my pleas went unheard as I was the only minor in the house and the other was a few hours away scoring the BE ranks!
After being admonished to my room to ponder over my mistake, my parents took to resenting their lack of proper guidance. I wanted to yell and cry that they have instilled the right values, but at the time, it was of no avail.
A few days went by and suddenly one evening, my Dad screamed for me and my Mom. We came rushing down to see my Dad going hysterical with laughter in the store room. He even managed a few apologies in between, so stunned I was to hear them, my eyes darted here and there to find him pointing to tiny bits of green paper embedded in some coconut fiber. A closer look revealed that they were indeed bits of Rs 5 bills I was accused of stealing a few days ago!
Now that I was in the clear and my parents (just for once) were wrong, I weighted down on them like a tornado about their misjudgment, adding that they raised me better, but just have to trust me more.
Now, mice had become the youngest menaces we were after! We figured out that, late at night, these monstrosities; quietly (well not so much) made their way into the kitchen storage to find things to keep them warm. The crispy bills seemed to make a perfect blanket and they happily escaped with a few. So smart, they were that it took 3 men and 2 ladies to land the bucket on 2 finger length creatures that had anchored my life to the room for 2 weeks!
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